Rage. Anger. Frustration. Fury. We all know this emotion that goes by many names. However, we all have different ways of dealing with and relating to our anger. For some people anger is a natural state and they can spend a lot of time blowing up at the people around them. Signs of this include yelling or raised voices, confrontational energy and even throwing things or acting physically violent. While some people revel in their anger, many of us feel a need to hide, deny or suppress this emotion. Anger however is a natural feeling just like any other emotion. In fact it is healthy for us to express our feelings and this one is no exception.
We often see people who express anger in dangerous or unhealthy ways and see that as a reason to fear being upset. Therefore, when we are upset we may push down the feeling and try to forgive and forget. While there is a place for forgiveness, there also needs to be space for accountability. Feeling angry can be a way for us to recognize when something is not right in our lives, or when someone is treating us in a manner that we do not allow. Ultimately all of our emotions exist to tell us something about ourselves and the world around us, and we will be able to move in healthier and happier ways if we listen to these messages.
Think of your emotional experience as essentially a thermometer. If you recognize that all of your emotions, no matter how intense or overwhelming they may be, are there to tell you the temperature on your personal thermometer, you will learn to read it and better understand yourself. Ultimately you don’t need to fear your feelings because even if they are painful, they are here to guide you through and to the other side of that pain. Figuring out what to do with these emotions can be challenging however.
When you feel angry, don’t push it away. Let yourself sit with the anger. It’s so important to be aware of what you’re feeling, and allow yourself to have that feeling. Sit with it even though it is uncomfortable and recognize where it is coming from. What (or whom?) is making you angry? You can also channel that anger into something productive. Maybe you need to have a difficult conversation with someone. Maybe you need to scream. If you feel physically overwhelmed, you can try physical activity such as a martial arts class or running or other physical contact sports. Channel this emotion into something that helps you to heal from it.
The main goal is to allow yourself to feel your feelings and ultimately work through them by listening to what they are telling you. I don’t want you to stay consumed with anger and there is a journey that you may need to go on in order to heal and move forward. We begin with feeling the emotion and understanding where it comes from. Have compassion with yourself while you work through these challenges.