As a kid, I thought that resilience was a superhuman ability belonging to comic book characters who could heal themselves while defeating evil villains. In school, I saw resilience embodied by Harriet Tubman, Helen Keller, Nelson Mandela, and Martin Luther King Jr., who acted with unflagging courage, persistence, determination, and moral excellence in the face of adversity. I figured some individuals were simply born with resilience, bound for the pages of history and comic books. When High School arrived, I decided I might have been born with some resilience. As a freshman, my track coach told us we needed mental toughness: the ability to overcome the doubts that prevent you from being successful. This became the Jedi mind trick that could quiet the self-doubting voice in my head. Mental toughness, however, couldn’t help me outrun the negative emotions from experiences with bullying and social struggle. Overcoming self-doubt, it seemed, was only one side of the coin. While working on a family history for a school project, I wrote about how my grandfather died when my late father was only eighteen years old. Despite this hardship, he adapted with courage and determination. He did this by, as he said, “focusing on what I could control and what I still had,” which meant caring for siblings, beginning a career, and starting his own family. Those words always stuck with me. Resilience is not a magically bestowed superhuman ability, nor is it one’s ability to ignore pain. In fact, part of resilience is knowing when we need support from others. Adapting to life’s challenges requires acknowledging that life is full of events that we cannot control, and instead choosing to focus on and control what we can.
Tools for Students
Research suggests that skills like resilience cannot be learned through the traditional methods of teaching. Instead, students can develop the ability to be resilient by learning how to respond to stress. As parents and educators, it is our job to shape the classroom and home environment, giving students the tools to develop resilience. Student Resilience Checklist When challenging or stressful situations show up, I will…
- Remember that life is full of challenges. Resilient people understand that challenges are a part of life. Say: “Everyone faces challenges in life. What matters is how I choose to respond.”
- Use a growth mindset by choosing to learn and adapt from adversity. I will encourage my peers to have a growth mindset, too. Say: “Adversity helps me grow. Ask: “What can I learn from this experience?”
- Reach out to trusted individuals for emotional support or encouragement. Asking for help takes courage and makes me strong. Say: “Part of being resilient is knowing when I need help. I can talk to someone about this negative feeling.”
- Be kind to myself and avoid self-harm. Ask: “Is this thought helpful or harmful?” If it’s helpful, I will keep it. If it’s not, I will choose to ignore it for now and talk to someone later. This will help me stay in control. If someone says something hurtful to me, I won’t repeat it to myself. Instead, I will talk to someone about how it made me feel.
- Notice the positive; celebrate what I already have. I can beat negative feelings by focusing on the positive. Ask: “What do I have to be thankful for?”
- Stay focused on my big goals. As a resilient person, I stay focused on my big goals so that little hurdles don’t slow me down. Say: “If I keep working hard, I can accomplish anything. I won’t let this obstacle get in the way of my big goals.”
- Use a strategy like deep breathing or counting to myself. Focus on my breathing until my body feels better and the negative thoughts go away.
Educator & Parent Actions that Foster Resilience
As educators and parents know, negative stress makes classroom learning nearly impossible. By providing an environment that helps students cope with stress, we can improve overall academic and social outcomes. Research suggests that students who believe they have the capacity to develop both intellectual abilities and social attributes (such as resilience) tend to exhibit lower stress responses to adversity, which can result in improved academic performance. Communicate to students and families that you will be focusing on developing effort, resilience, and perseverance as important life skills. Below are some suggestions for how to do this. Educator/Parent Resilience Checklist To foster resilience as an educator or parent, I can…
- Build strong, supportive relationships with students; foster supportive relationships between students; make sure students know that you and others are always there for them.
- Affirm and reward students for effort, not just academic achievement or “good grades”.
- Teach and model a growth mindset by sharing how individuals learned from their mistakes or “failures” and went on to be successful.
- Help children (and their parents) learn from their mistakes and communicate about the process.
- Provide students plenty of opportunities to identify times when they and their family members have embodied the spirit of resilience.
- Lead mindfulness practices such as noticing (but not dwelling on) negative thoughts.
- Plan routines that allow students to reflect on how they have practiced resilience.
Resilience to Bullying, Harassment, and Humiliation
We shouldn’t need to ask students to develop resilience for bullying behaviors. They should always respectfully interrupt and report any bullying behaviors, and feel comfortable asking for help. That said, an attitude of resilience in regard to bullying can still be beneficial to students in the long run. For this reason, consider offering the following tips to your students. To encourage resilience, educators can encourage young people to…
- Address the Issue(s) – Teach proactive habits like standing up for yourself respectfully and safely, reporting the behavior, reaching out to friends, and seeking mental health services as needed.
- Avoid Victim Mentality – Encourage young people to avoid thinking of themselves as a victim by reminding them that their experience came as a result of another individual’s actions.
- Seek Acceptance – Provide spaces (including home) where young people are free to be themselves and feel accepted. Encourage them to try new things that they are passionate about.
- Develop An Emotional Vocabulary – Encourage kids to name their emotions instead of acting on them. It’s OK to feel angry and discuss that feeling. Model and support young people’s development and use of their emotional vocabulary.
- Question the Critic – Teach young people to notice, question, and ignore self-criticism. Instead, ask them to write down positive affirmations to replace self-criticism in the future.
- Build a Narrative – Remind young people that they have a history of overcoming bullying behaviors. Remind them that the pain they felt then was only temporary.